Marion Mary Emeline Hay 1915-2015

4/21/2015

Our Aunt Marion died this week in her sleep. She was 99 years old and her health had been failing the last year. But while old age and time were slowly taking over the one thing that stayed true to the end was her sense of joy and her free spirit.

We don't have many photos of Marion when she was a child. Frankly it was always hard to get a shot of her as she would avoid the camera her whole life You can see her in the back row on the top step second from the left. She was the only daugher to John (Jack) and Ellen Hay. She was the middle child to older brother John and baby brother Bill. Marion was close to her Mom. She told us stories about how warm and welcoming her Mother was, how there was always coffee on the stove and enough food to go round for any guest who showed up at the door. There was a lovely story of her mom teachering Marion how to make biscuits. They of course cooked on a wood stove. Marion said her Mom got the recipe from a lady down the road who made the best fluffiest biscuits. So Marion and her Mom went about making biscuits. They turned out fine but rather flat. Not anything like the neighbours. So the next day her Mom took Marion by the hand and they walked over to the neighbours to watch her make biscuits. The neighbour was surprised as she had taken great care in copying out the recipe. The process was the same until the neighbour dipped her cup into the fresh bucket of milk. Marion's Mom said "Ah you didn't tell me to use the cream off the top you just said milk". Off home they went to make the perfect biscuit. It was those stories that Marion told us of her mother that became our only memories of our Grandmother Hay. When Grandma Hay died Marion was only 13. Marion had known her mother was sick but didn't realise until she over heard a friend's mother talking about her mother dying that her mother was going to leave her. When Marion's mother died she had to take took over the huge job of running the house. It's hard to imagine how a 13 year old girl could have handled that workload. She continued to go to school and finished high school, but at the same time making sure all the meals were cooked and the house was clean and the laundry was done for her father, our father Bill and later her father's brother Big Bill. They didn't have electrity, there was a hand pump for water in the kitchen and all cooking was done on a wood stove.

Marion, Granpa Hay, Dad, Mom, Granny Shoesmith, Grandpa Shoesmith, Charlie, Marge

When our Mom and Dad got married near the end of the war, Mom told us that Dad had explained to her that he owed his upbringing to Marion and that if she needed help they would have to be there for her. Frankly Marion was alway there for our family. She always was giving.

Marion looked after her father, Granpa Hay until he had a stoke. Marion would have been about 43 years old then and she had never worked outside of the family home. This kind of a change this late in life might have broken someone else, Marion just did what she had to do to look after herself and make a future on her own. Marion moved in with her cousin Molly and went back to school refreshing her secretarial skills. After getting her skills up to scatch, now in her mid 40's she moved out into her first bachelor apartment on Cartier Street in Ottawa and her first full time job as a public servant.

Marion was with us for every holiday, every special event, every graduation every wedding. She was an strong role model in our lives. She was generous, actually generous doesn't describe how giving Marion was to us growing up. She took us to "fancy" restaurants like the one at the top of the Skyline Hotel. We had taxi drives, we got to the theatre, she always had something special planned, something we'd never forget.

But she also was an independent woman and a strong role model. Once she was working and living on her own she loved the independence. She traveled with her friends and had fun and did what she wanted to do with her life. This didn't always include housekeeping, she didn't care at this point in her life if she'd rather read a book she did.

She worked for the Public Service until she was forced to retire at 65. She worked hard and advanced and never let her late start in life stop her from having a career.

Marion never drove a car. She really never had a chance to learn. When she was working downtown she'd walk everywhere. When she would come to stay for a weekend or a holiday Dad would get in the car and we'd drive downtown to pick Marion up at her apartment. It was always part of the adventure of having Marion over for a visit.

While she couldn't drive what she could do was make a mean sling shot. When Randy and Jen were both under 10 she took a couple of old pairs of Dad's underware and cut the elastic out, found to y shaped twigs and made the Wendy's son and Nancy's daughter a weapon. There was never any question about them aiming at anything other than tin cans. Kids got a lot of freedom with Marion but you knew not to abuse it. In her 99 years she never said a cross word to us, or frankly even a look of disappointment.

Marion's 80th birthday at Mom's with Wendy, Nancy and Elizabeth.

Marion was our last link to the Hay side of our family. When our Dad died she was their to remind us of our roots. She told us stories about where we came from, her mother's people the Younghusbands, life in Britannia, South March and Dunobin. Her mind was sharp until she turned 95 then we noticed that she started forgetting some recent events. As time went on she started to live more and more in the past. There were days when we would visit and she would tell us we just had missed Dad, or Grandpa Hay. Marion lived in her own apartment until she was 90. First moving to a retirement home then Barrhaven Manor where she could receive more support. The one thing that never changed about Marion was her sweet nature. She was never upset or cranky. She was often tired, and in need of sleep, but when she opened her eyes they were blue and sparkled.

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